Random Thoughts

Taking a Minute

I’ve spent the last month and a half being so busy that I haven’t had time to really stop and be in the moment. Hours turned to days which turned to weeks. The routine of waking, working, homework, meeting, sleep became such a blur that I started losing my sense of time and reality in the process. As I’m lying here now, typing this out on my phone, I’ve realized this is the first time in a while that I’ve really had time to stop and write out how I’m feeling.

I also realized that the only reason why this is, is because my body has forced me to do so.

Despite being sick with bronchitis for the last week, I’ve kept going, working, doing. Tonight, I’m stopping and allowing myself to catch up with myself. My shoulders ache from fibromyalgia pains (a new diagnosis as of two weeks ago), and I’m more tired than usual. I ignored my body’s cries for a break, and now it’s catching up with me.

I got a second job in the last month, and I started working twice the number of hours a week. I squeezed in school work. And in those slivers, I squeezed in meeting with friends and playing caregiver. I just kept going, working, doing. Because it’s never okay to just take a minute. Because there is always something that I need to do.

Ultimately, I had to put my second job on hold due to the fibro. Having to quit made me consider how I important it is that I take better care of myself. I’m going to go back to practicing self-care and self-preservation because somewhere in the busyness, I’ve allowed my mental health to slip with my physical health. I need to finish up the semester and focus on the last two semesters of graduate school. I need to locate internships. I need to determine how I’m going to minimize stress and do what’s best for my chronic illnesses. I need to, I need to, I need to…I need to do so much, but I also need to pace myself. It’s okay for me to take a minute. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t have to go at 1000 all the time.

I suppose taking the time to let the dust settle and just breathe for the first time in weeks is what I need right now. Perhaps my body slowing down like this and forcing me to stop to avoid walking pneumonia is just the universe’s way of making me see that I need to get my priorities together. And if not together, then at least to a point where I have some semblance of what I want.