Mental health

MHAM: Inside My OCD #2

I’m accustomed to Contamination OCD, one subset of my OCD, impacting my daily life. Today, it has me convinced that despite my multiple hand-washings and sanitizer use, my hands are filthy.

Contamination OCD is the fear of getting sick or coming into contact with germs. For me, it results in a compulsion to wash my hands twice or use sanitizer frequently. I also use Lysol spray to sanitize items and I take care to clean things heavily when I’m in the kitchen.

Today, COCD became a problem when I cleaned my bathroom. I wiped down the toilet seat and cleaned underneath it using Lysol antibacterial cleaners and wipes. I made sure my hands didn’t touch anything other than the disposable materials. I washed my hands with soap and hot water after I finished. I thought that would be enough, but my mind continued to tell me my hands were dirty. I washed my hands six times, used sanitizer twice after that, and I was still convinced my hands were contaminated.

I felt compelled for two hours to clean my hands again because I was so convinced they were filthy. I did use sanitizer one more time just to silence my mind for a moment. The urge to clean my hands has subsided, but it was hard to fight back the intrusive thoughts.

I’m hoping the next time my COCD gets a bit more vocal it won’t be as aggressive.

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One thought on “MHAM: Inside My OCD #2

  1. Ugh I am suffering with my anxiety/OCD. I cant leave a bottle open without thinking someone did something to it. I cant touch someones cuts etc without thinking I will catch something 😦
    The other day someone had a cut and I didnt even touch, I just got the wrap (unused portion) to put it away and my mind went to think what if there were specs on it, and now you have HIV. Ughhh I hate this. I feel for you!

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